Wednesday, December 14, 2005

11 months later...

This seems to be a constant. I update this thing every several, several months. This will be an update to the list I posted at the beginning of the year.

I have taken several classes and I am now in the process of transferring to Northeastern, all in all I think i did well in the classes and this drop-out was not really my fault but the fault of the school. Although I should have done the research better.
The only time I touched the guitar was in moving.
No drawing done. I have painted a few times though.
Work is work. I realize that I don't want to be there. I realize that is I am there in 15 years, I will be severally disappointed in myself.
I realize to some extent on how to work on the apathy and procrastination. This is a huge step forward. I think.
I haven't done anything on the phys front.
I know as much Japanese as I did at the beginning of the year.
The only place I went out of state was MI.
I have been reading more, writing for only the classes.

Stuff I did not on the list.
Get tested for ADD and passed. AKA I got it
Get tested for cancer and failed. AKA I don't
Move into a better apartment and doing things like paying rent on time which is weird. The rent went up $200 and its somehow easier to pay????
Manage to now see a psycologist and a psychiatrist and not be okay with that but be okay with not being okay and going voluntarily.
Went from being okay with paying the cell phone bill month after month to not being okay with it to be pissed off but not knowing what to do or how to.
Went from being in a tenuous mood to crashing and obsessing after the first shrinks appointment and having to wait a month to the next one which my brain keeps telling me I should call an cancel. I keep telling myself that canceling won't make it go away it will just prolong it. Its angry at me.
I made a couple friends this year. For that I am happy.
Played too many video games, watched too much tv, did not have enough table top (barely any), didn't eat healthy but ate healthier which is scary since all I ate today was a candy cane, several cups of water, two pieces of cake and a couple cups of punch which consisted of ginger ale and cherry juice.
I think I lost weight but I am worried I did it in that "I don't want to eat because I'd have to prepare anything I made and I feel too damned lazy to do that." mood.
Which brings me to this interesting conversation:
Me: We named her Grey.... and her mood is well...grey...
The shrink: How is your mood?
Best segue of the year! I didn't just walk into that I took a flying jump that had a running head start for extra height and length. I hate those. I especially hate those when I am being resistant to something and I know i am being resistant to it and I know its illogical. This case I was being resistant in the session that was supposed to diagnose me with ADD and figure out what therapy would work best! What a wonderful time to be resistant, hey?? Well we never said fear is logical.

Maybe next year will be better.

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Lj is down

They lost power or something equally as weird. Oh well.

I was thinking this morning about stuff that I would like to try to accomplish this year. I found out that I want to accomplish a lot in general and that I have a lot of interests but would trying to accomplish all of them be unrealistic?

I want to finish as many classes in school that I can this year.
I want to learn, to some decent extent to play the guitar.
I want to learn how to draw. I have this idea for a comic/graphic story line that needs to get down and I think it would work better in a graphic sense.
I want to do better at work and not be so apathic.
I want to not be so apathic.
I want to not procrastiate so much.
I want to do something like talk walks around the lake, rollar blade, or something like that.
I want to take a type of martial arts. Maybe Akido.
I want to learn the Japanese language.
I want to go to Seattle.
I want to go to San Diego.
I want to go to DC.
I want to read more.
I want to write more.

I have notcied that a lot of what I want to do is on the creative side. I am taking classes to finish my degree. Mike is going to help me with the learning guitar part. The learning to draw, martial arts, and Japanese, I will have to find a way to learn those. Reading more and writing more, I just have to do. Somethings are just personal growth kind of things. The apathy, the procrastination, the walks. To some point going to Seattle, San Diego, and DC are a bit of personal growth because I worry about going to these places and visiting the people I am to visit. The other part is just having the money to.

Out of the creative stuff, I don't know what I want to come of it yet. The story line idea just needs to be put on "paper", so to speak. Being able to play the guitar just interests me.

Well, more later as I think of it.

Saturday, January 01, 2005


Oh Happy New Year to whoever might come across this.

Emailing posts

This site, unlike Livejournal, allows you to email and post for free. Livejournal allows you to with a paid subscription. I totally like that.

I haven't fully decided whether to use this or Livejournal yet. I have been using LiveJournal forever.

Oh well, I am weird.