Wednesday, December 14, 2005

11 months later...

This seems to be a constant. I update this thing every several, several months. This will be an update to the list I posted at the beginning of the year.

I have taken several classes and I am now in the process of transferring to Northeastern, all in all I think i did well in the classes and this drop-out was not really my fault but the fault of the school. Although I should have done the research better.
The only time I touched the guitar was in moving.
No drawing done. I have painted a few times though.
Work is work. I realize that I don't want to be there. I realize that is I am there in 15 years, I will be severally disappointed in myself.
I realize to some extent on how to work on the apathy and procrastination. This is a huge step forward. I think.
I haven't done anything on the phys front.
I know as much Japanese as I did at the beginning of the year.
The only place I went out of state was MI.
I have been reading more, writing for only the classes.

Stuff I did not on the list.
Get tested for ADD and passed. AKA I got it
Get tested for cancer and failed. AKA I don't
Move into a better apartment and doing things like paying rent on time which is weird. The rent went up $200 and its somehow easier to pay????
Manage to now see a psycologist and a psychiatrist and not be okay with that but be okay with not being okay and going voluntarily.
Went from being okay with paying the cell phone bill month after month to not being okay with it to be pissed off but not knowing what to do or how to.
Went from being in a tenuous mood to crashing and obsessing after the first shrinks appointment and having to wait a month to the next one which my brain keeps telling me I should call an cancel. I keep telling myself that canceling won't make it go away it will just prolong it. Its angry at me.
I made a couple friends this year. For that I am happy.
Played too many video games, watched too much tv, did not have enough table top (barely any), didn't eat healthy but ate healthier which is scary since all I ate today was a candy cane, several cups of water, two pieces of cake and a couple cups of punch which consisted of ginger ale and cherry juice.
I think I lost weight but I am worried I did it in that "I don't want to eat because I'd have to prepare anything I made and I feel too damned lazy to do that." mood.
Which brings me to this interesting conversation:
Me: We named her Grey.... and her mood is well...grey...
The shrink: How is your mood?
Best segue of the year! I didn't just walk into that I took a flying jump that had a running head start for extra height and length. I hate those. I especially hate those when I am being resistant to something and I know i am being resistant to it and I know its illogical. This case I was being resistant in the session that was supposed to diagnose me with ADD and figure out what therapy would work best! What a wonderful time to be resistant, hey?? Well we never said fear is logical.

Maybe next year will be better.


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